


Corrections

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Autistic Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), Carlos is a Good husband, Cecil doesn't know much about science but this is why we love him!, Cecil is also a good husband!!!!!!, Just in general! This is a general fact!, M/M, Spoilers for Episode 156 (The Trouble with Time)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 08:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21371239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: Cecil is giving a presentation on the different rock types. It's all scientifically accurate. It definitely is. Scientists and people married to scientists do not need to fact check when they're giving a surprise science presentation. That's science.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Corrections

**Author's Note:**

> I'D BEEN MEANING TO WRITE THIS FOR A LONG TIME FHGHGH! I thought it was so cute how Carlos was leaving a bunch of messages and telling Cecil it's an easy mistake to make, so! I had to write this!

“Carlos, I told you. It’s a secret. If I tell you then I’ll completely ruin the surprise. What I am presenting is a scientific fact, and that is all I can tell you.”

Carlos sighed, and put down his coffee mug so he could start flapping his hands. Cecil was looking at him smugly from across the kitchen table.

“Ceece, listen. One of the best ways to check your data is by presenting it to other scientists. I know, I know you said it was a secret and you did not want to spoil it because you wanted to impress me with how much you have learned being married to me, but I really think it would be a good idea to make sure all of your data is scientifically accurate. A lot of scientists have tried experiments based on myths. Like, the whole thing about how human beings only use ten percent of their brain. There were whole psychic experiments done based on a myth with no scientific backing behind it, trying to see what would happen if a psychic made someone use one hundred percent of their brain. As it turns out, Ceece, we’re actually using two hundred percent or more of our brain at any given time because of the constant overlap of ourselves with alternate versions of ourselves. That is why we daydream.”

“I’m married to a scientist,” said Cecil, reaching over the table and rubbing one of Carlos’ arms, “and that sort of makes me a scientist, too, right? I know what I’m talking about.”

“It does! Scientifically, that is how being a scientist works. It’s all by proxy. It’s like how being an organism works. Living is all proxy. It’s why, scientifically speaking, cars are organisms. Because organisms drive them. But Ceece, it does also mean that, as a scientist, you need to check your data before presenting it as a fact. Scientifically, that is the second most important thing you need to do when presenting as a scientist.”

“What’s the most important thing?”

“Looking beautiful. There is a lot of pressure in the scientific community to do that.”

“Oh, my. I look nothing like you, so I might be a little lacking in that area. Handsome though I may be, I can’t hold a candle to you.”

“Stop.”

“It’s impossible for me to not notice how handsome my husband is. That is, most undoubtedly, a scientific fact.”

“Is this what your posters and presentation are on?”

“About how handsome you are, and how I will never stop talking about it? No, but maybe one day I should do this but have it be about you being handsome, and me always talking about it. Oh, you could be there! They’d have the scientific data right there in front of them! You sitting there being really handsome, and me telling them you’re really handsome. Can you out-handsome two very handsome scientists?”

“You’re too much. And no! Scientifically, it is impossible for one person to match the handsomeness of two. One person can never attain that high a Standard Handsomeness Index! Oh, we could even analyze how a high Standard Handsomeness Index influences how much you are talking about how handsome I am! We could even change what we’re wearing to see if that has an effect on our combined Standard Handsomeness Index! Like, you could wear those leopard print leggings! The ones that glow in the dark! Oh, oh, and then, you could wear a silk blouse, and have the first couple of buttons undone!”

Cecil chuckled, reaching up and stroking Carlos’ cheek. He kept Carlos’ face cupped in his hand. “This all sounds incredibly scientific and scientific, Carlos.”

“If it is collaterally scientific, Ceece, that is simply a result of a high Standard Handsomeness Index.”

“This sounds wonderful, and I really want to talk about this more, Carlos…but I do need to prepare for my very scientifically accurate presentation. Actually, it’s a public service announcement, really, but it’s also a scientifically accurate presentation. I know it is that, because I’m married to a scientist.”

Carlos put his hand over Cecil’s on his cheek. He looked at Cecil’s soft, enthusiastic expression, and it made his heart melt. Metaphorically. Not literally. Scientifically, it is impossible for organisms with a straw-based cardiovascular system to experience spontaneous heart liquefaction. “I love you a lot. I really love you a lot, Ceece. And that is not a scientific fact. It is something completely different.”

“A hunch? A series of hunches that lead to decisions, and then a series of decisions, lifetime decisions?”

Carlos squeezed Cecil’s hand where it was on his cheek. “You really are too much, poot. Way too much. And a wonderful scientist. I wish I could come, but, Cecil, the tumbleweeds today! I have never seen them so on fire and screaming before!”

“Oh, no, I understand. I’ve never seen them so on fire and screaming before either, and I’ve lived here all my life. Do you think this is a breeding season thing? Like how agave only bloom once in their life, over a period of several years, and then explode?”

“I think it could be something like that, yes! I also think that if I look at a chalkboard and say ‘hmm’ enough times while occasionally looking at a microscope and scratching my chin, I might be able to develop a schedule for the tumbleweeds so we don’t have a traffic accident as bad as the one that happened today.”

“You listened to my traffic report?”

“I always listen to your show, Ceece.”

“I know, bunny. I just like hearing you say it.” Cecil leaned forward to kiss Carlos’ forehead, his cheeks, and then over his lips. Carlos’ hands stopped flapping. Carlos hummed into the kiss. It felt nice. When he felt Cecil pull away, he smiled at Cecil.

“I would say good luck today, Cecil, but luck really has no scientific basing, because everything is influenced by a variety of external and internal factors that determine the outcome of something. Statistically, the success of something generally hinges on a variety of factors. Often, it is not a matter of if something will happen, but when a set of factors align so that an unlikely event will, eventually, take place. Oh, and, also because good scientists do not need luck!”

Cecil beamed.

“I’m a good scientist?”

Carlos beamed back at him.

“A wonderful scientist!”

Carlos leaned forward, and kissed Cecil, just once, just gently.

It felt as wonderful and electric as it did the first time.

* * *

Cecil was enthusiastic. He was handsome. He was kind. He was gentle. He did not know a lot about science. Those were all things that were scientifically accurate. Carlos loved Cecil. This was something that was true, beyond the factual limits of scientific accuracy. 

Carlos liked to think about things that were scientifically accurate and things that were true beyond scientific accuracy when he saw things that were not scientifically accurate. This was because things that were not scientifically accurate were confusing and could get upsetting, because addressing scientific inaccuracies meant a very specific kind of interaction. It meant being informative, but not so informative that it sounded rude. Carlos liked to sound informative. Being informative was the nineteenth thing a scientist needs to be. Carlos didn’t like to sound rude. Being rude is the third thing a scientist should never be.

Carlos was glad, out of everyone, it was Cecil he was calling to address a scientific inaccuracy. He knew how to talk to Cecil, even if he was scared of sounding the third thing a scientist should never be.

“Hi honey, it’s Carlos. I am so proud of you for putting so much into this presentation! I know you are definitely busy right now, so I will try to keep this brief, and then, poof, I will be gone. Not with an actual poof, because poofs are not things scientists do. Scientists go away with a binging sound, like a bell chime. Like, bi-i-i-ng. Like that! Okay, so, Cecil! The three types of rocks are igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary. Tree nuts are all a type of metamorphic rock, usually forming from whatever the bedrock in a nut-bearing tree’s soil is. Here’s the thing about peanut butter. Peanut butter is made from molten peanuts. It is very similar to how magma is made from molten obsidian, which makes magma obsidian butter. While nuts such as hazelnuts are classified as rocks and thus, their butters are technically a molten rock, peanuts are actually a type of legume. Legumes, Ceece, do not grow on trees, but instead grow in the ground in pods. Other types of legumes are beans or peas, which have butters that are not classified as rocks! Okay! I’m gone! Poof! Not literally!”

Oh, one more thing, one more thing that might make him sound less rude. Did his last message sound rude? He was not sure, but he certainly did not want to come off as such.

“Hey, poot, this is me again. I know I just called, and that I said I would be gone after that message, but I remembered something! Peanut butter contains salt! Salt can be any kind of combination of an anion, usually an acid, with a cation, generally some type of earth metal. Sodium chloride is table salt, Cecil. And like all salts, it’s a mineral! And it crystalizes! So, while peanut butter is not a rock, because it is a legume, it does contain a mineral! And minerals are often conflated with rocks, but they are two very different forms of matter because rocks are generally composed of multiple minerals! Cecil, I just want you to know, this is an easy mistake to make. The fact that peanuts are not a nut left baffled scientists for years!”

Addressing why a commonly held belief that is not scientifically accurate was an important part of scientific paper writing. Maybe it would also make Cecil feel better. 

“Me again! Okay, one other thing, Cecil! Lots of other nuts get called rocks due to the popular belief that they are nuts! Almonds, cashews, and pine nuts are all commonly called nuts when they are not actually true nuts! And, as a result, Ceece, the butter that comes from them is also not a rock. A lot of things are called nuts when that is not what they are, scientifically. That makes things really confusing. I think we should just call things by their scientific name, because that would make it way easier to tell things apart. Like, we’ll call almonds _Prunus dulcis_, call pecans _Carya illinoinensis_, call peanuts _Hey get that thing out of my face it’s covered in mud_ and call hazelnuts _Uggghhhhhhhhhhhh_.”

Maybe it would be a good idea to outline some parameters for Cecil, in case he talked about it on his show. Just to let him know what was scientifically accurate, and what was not, and let his listeners know the same. Scientifically, it would be a good idea to be proactive. Being proactive is the seventh thing a scientist needs to be. 

“Cecil? Hi, it’s, it’s me again. Do you think that we can talk about this before you talk about it on your show? I think that might be a good idea. Scientifically speaking, most of my ideas are good ideas, because I am a scientist, and the whole thing about scientists is that they come up with good ideas, because their ideas are based in science. Like, stir fry? That was a scientist’s idea, because of how good it is. I am not a radio host, though, so I cannot say what segment you might want to talk about it in. Maybe we should talk about it when you get home tonight? Cecil, honey-voice, I am so proud of what you did today!”

Tonight…oh, oh, they needed some plywood. Cecil was close to the hardware store.

“Hey there, Cecil. One last message. I promise this is the last one, and then, poof, I am gone! Poof, metaphorically speaking, and gone, metaphorically speaking! Because I am at home right now, about to get dinner ready. Sweetie, do you think you can pick up plywood while you’re out? I’m making spaghetti bolognese and I just realized we’re out of plywood for the garlic peppers. Okay, okay, that’s it, Ceece. I am still very proud of you. Did all of these messages come across as rude? I hope they did not. I do not want to sound rude, Ceece. Just informative. Sounding rude is not what scientists do. Sounding informative is what scientists do. I want to sound informative and not rude, and…and I love you. I really love you. I really love you a lot. You doing science-related things is wonderful, Ceece. It makes me so proud of my husband, who is also a scientist. I’ll see you at home tonight. Okay, poof!” 


End file.
